I was driving home from my port disconnect on Saturday and was thinking of what to write. I thought about being funny and writing about what not to say to a cancer patient. (You know, sharing a story of a person who died from cancer, not the most helpful right now or how brave I am. I’m just doing the best I know how given a sucky situation.) Then I thought about what I am learning about how we are vibrational beings. The energy we radiate and how connected it is to our emotional self. For example, fear, anxiety and anger are low vibrational energy. Whereas, peace, calm and love have the highest vibrations. But getting to this sense of peace takes a lot of hard inner work. It is not easy to navigate and work through past traumas and hurts but it is essential to move forward. Cancer has given me the opportunity to peel back some of my layers. Where I thought my life would be is no where close to the reality. But it doesn’t need to be negative. Rather, maybe just an observation and then it encourages me to sift the joys. My family and I are surrounded by a truly amazing community. That’s the other thing I’m learning. Not only are we vibrational beings but we are meant for community. This journey has been hard. Really hard. I just finished treatment 7 and just like radiation, the chemo is building, making my side effects worse. My neuropathy is extremely sensitive. My throat makes anything cold or lukewarm hard to swallow and now my tongue gets numb if something is too cold. So think fruits and veggies. Too cold. And the fatigue. The circles under my eyes are dark and my fatigue is prominent. But the community around us continues to show up. I am so thankful for the people who have poured into my (our) life (lives) during this hard season. With only 2 treatments left, I find myself thinking about a job or a way to financially contribute to my family. But then I need to tell myself to stop. Slow down. The end is close but this journey is not over. Thinking about only 2 more treatments has my emotions on a rollercoaster between excitement, relief, exhaustion, worry, gratitude and more. My eyes water just thinking about almost being done. We are doing hard things and we are almost done with this phase. And for that, I am grateful.

Liz