I was playing catch with my youngest a couple weeks ago. We were burning time while Dylan had her soccer practice. Recently, he has been wanted to work on pitching. Ok, no problem. I’ll catch. As I crouched down into a catching position a flood for diarrhea was unleashed. I stood up quickly hoping to stop the flow. No luck. I know where the porta-potty’s are located and speed walk to them. There are two next to each other. I choose the closest one. I sit down, so frustrated. I’m trying to play with my 9-year-old. I reach for the toilet paper. Only, there is no toilet paper in this porta-potty. Are you kidding me? “I fucking hate this” were the only words I could utter. I carefully pull up my soiled diaper and casually exited to go to the porta-potty right next to it which thankfully did have toilet paper. I clean up my mess as best I can and go to my car to get another diaper and wipes. As I searched my car, I realize I have no extra diapers or wipes. Grrrr. I do some breathing exercises to try to regulate my flaming anger. I look over and Theo is just throwing the ball in the air and catching, asking me in between air throws when I can come catch for him. Completely nonplussed with the turmoil I am enduring. I give the answer: Mommy needs to go to the bathroom again. At this point in the journey, he doesn’t question why sometimes I need to go multiple times in a row to the bathroom. I walk to the non porta-potty bathrooms and make the gutsy call to dispose of my diaper and just go commando. I don’t have any extra diapers but staying in a very dirty diaper would inflame my bum even more. Praying to all the deities that no more accidents will happen. I go to play catch and do not crouch. Rather, I position myself on one knee. The frustration tears are burning in the back of my eyes so I focus on playing catcher while calling out the balls and strikes. But sometimes it is hard. Hard to be thankful in these situations that still feel out of my control. Still so much to process. I was at church the other Sunday and the pastor talked about the moments which take away our breath: a gorgeous sunset, the fall colors, the laughter of our kids. The moments that are beautiful. And it dawned on me l, Liz, need to work to stack the moments. Stack the good moments. Life will always throw bad moments and sometimes I like focusing more on the bad or lack or negative aspect. What if I stacked good moments? One on top of the other. Life is too short to focus so much on the bad moments. And I struggle to get out of a rut like the accident the other day. But then I play catch with Theo and it is a moment to stack. Time is fleeting and this precious time with my 9-year-old will be gone sooner than I’d like. Like my 11-year-old asking me when I didn’t have gray hair. Do I stack that moment? Don’t get me wrong, I could definitely go with less accidents but they are too embarrassingly funny not to share. So I do. I hope you got a laugh out of my diaper explosion. But let’s start stacking our moments. Life will be that much sweeter when we pay attention to the good around us and the good happening to us. 

Speaking of good moments: we sold our house! We closed last Friday and are currently only paying for one mortgage. Woo hoo! What a relief. I know my body can feel some stress alleviated. I continue to adjust my diet. Taking out collagen and most dairy to help my gut settle to not have diarrhea episodes. As funny as they are after the fact, I could do without them. So stay tuned.

Liz