I grew up in a small suburb in Illinois about an hour south of Chicago called Frankfort. Looking back, I loved it. I could walk or ride my bike pretty much anywhere. Tons of kids to play with. But in the summer, nothing was better than going to the pool at Camp Manitoqua. Even now, I can smell it: chlorine, sun tan lotion, warm summer breeze and the stale, hot summer air trapped inside the locker room. Almost every week, I would beg my mom for us to go. It was hot and we rarely had our air conditioning on. Something about saving money. Camp Manitoqua had 3 diving boards. Two smaller height ones on the outside and the middle diving board was the tall one. I remember watching the college-aged male camp counselors flying off the end of that eleven foot diving board and doing gigantic cannon balls to the excitement of all the kids (and probably some of the parents). I remember the countless hours of playing: sharks and minnows, searching for coins my mom or sisters would throw in the pool to me, diving off the lower diving boards. I did get bolder as I got older and would dive off the eleven footer. Then, if I was extremely lucky I would go to the canteen and buy a grape or strawberry Laffy Taffy for 50 cents and get my hands and face completely sticky from the warm gooey sugar. I never wanted to leave. But eventually we would ride home, windows down, wet swimsuits, sunburnt cheeks, smelling of chlorine. 

As we enter another summer, I’m reminded of some of my favorite memories as a kid and I wonder what will be the core memories for my kids. I desperately want the core memories my kids have of me to be positive, encouraging and engaging memories. Maybe the pool, the Children’s Museum, jump places, summer movie nights with our amazing neighbors, bike rides on the new trail by our house, ice cream trips. I have a phrase, “an activity a day, keeps the whiney’s away.” But this summer is different. The summer of my IV chemo. We have no vacation plans as I have treatment every two weeks. Not only that, but I am not sure I can do an activity every day. And as much as I don’t want my cancer to affect the kids, it has and it will. Getting my port has made my cancer much more real to the kids. Theo frequently asks to touch my port. It’s tangible for him and I can see his 7-year-old self trying to understand it. As I wrestle with my cancer and my kids, I’m choosing to believe the summer of IV chemo isn’t a bad thing. It just means my kids get to be loved on by more than just me. They will have more experiences and opportunities with family and friends and I will only look on that as an amazing blessing. These three kids of mine are the dream I had for my life when I knew I wanted kids. Could I have a little less sass and spirit from them sometimes? Yup. A little more cleaning up after themselves? Sure. Only using one cup a day? Please! But they are sweet and kind and empathetic. They are all quick to hug me when they see me crying or about to cry. They are just kids grappling with their own understanding of a huge concept like cancer. It’s not fair but they are resilient. Maybe the best thing for them is for me to focus on healing and all the components that entails. So onward we press. One summer day at a time. 

Quick update: I’m a little over one week out from my first treatment and also less than one week to the start of my second treatment. Right now, I’m feeling really good. Still trying to stick to my keto diet, using Hyperbaric oxygen treatment and, on the recommendation of my radiation oncologist along with my good doctor friend, I started using infrared light therapy. This is to help expel toxins from the body, mood enhancer and create a better mitochondria in the cell (aka kill those cancer cells). Lots of benefits. Huge shout out to Fishers Cryotherapy offering to help me enhance my therapy opportunities. If you are local, please support this business. Plus, they are right next to the Super Target😆. I also have plenty of people at the gym “mom-ing” what movements I should and shouldn’t do with my new-ish installed port. But this week has been a better week. Cold drinks are still a no-go for my throat and my hair is thinning, but I should not lose all my hair. Nausea is better and a couple more food aversions but other than that, I am doing really well. My continued gratitude for the continued thoughts and prayers and food. You guys continue to provide for my family and me. I cannot thank you all enough. 

Liz