Round 1 of chemo is done. Thursday I went in at 7.15am. They first checked my bloodwork to make sure my body could handle the chemo. I waited for the results. All good. Then, I got some anti-nausea medicine and a bolus. Then waited. I got hooked up to my chemo IV a little after 9 am and a little after 11am, I finished. I wore some cold packs on my hands, feet and head to try to ward off neuropathy which is a common side effect.

I then got 5 FU (I don’t remember exactly what it is, just the acronym because it is fitting). Once that was complete, I was hooked up to my 46 hours of take-home chemo in a sweet fanny pack (sarcasm implied).

I felt pretty good after IV chemo. One immediate side effect was and is drinking anything cold. It feels like my throat is closing in and glass shards or knives are running down my throat. Nothing screams summer refreshment than a sip of warm water. But for now, that’s what I’m going to drink. This side effect can last 3-7 days after the chemo or may be the whole time. I guess we’ll discover this mystery together. After getting home from the cancer center, I decided to run to Whole Foods to get some more keto bread and nuts. But first, maybe a cuter fanny pack. As I was perusing Lululemon, I had three options for a fanny pack in my hands, all in my favorite color: black, but then I just became overwhelmingly frustrated. This is fucking stupid. I am healthy, strong, active person. Why can’t this person smoking a cigarette outside the store have cancer? Away went the fanny packs. As I’m in the middle of the bulk section of Whole Foods, I start crying. Again, this is fucking stupid. I have no other words. At times, I still cannot comprehend that this is my life path. Yet, here we are. And we keep on keeping on. After my adult tantrum, I went home and laid down. It was an emotional day. The anxiety leading into the unknown, the calm of the process, the surprise of the immediate side effects, the frustration of the situation and the hyper sensitivity to how my body is feeling and responding. I was tired. 

All that to say, I made it through round 1. Figuring out how to sleep with a cord connected to me was interesting. Or the many times the excess slack from the fanny pack almost made it into the toilet was comical. I’m trying to give myself grace and rest when I’m tired (which is normally around 3.30pm). On Saturday, getting the line out and taking off the take-home chemo fanny pack felt so good! (Minus taking the adhesive bandaid off my skin glue.) Lots of positives. We are making our way. However frustrating and angry I get, we still are moving forward towards the goal of perfect health.