I’ve been trying to think of something to write for a couple days. I have had some ideas but they don’t pan out. And then I thought I could just give an update and be done. The update is we are in week 5. After today (Tuesday), I have 5 more radiation treatments. Then I will have a two week break where I will get my port installed for IV chemo. IV chemo will then be once every two weeks for 4-5 months. As of right now, I will not have any scans to see if the tumor has shrunk because my body is so inflamed. Those scans will more than likely occur during the IV chemo stage. Managing pain is more of a priority now but perhaps more than managing pain is managing the mental aspect of this all. 

My senior year of high school, I stayed almost every day after basketball practice to work on fixing my free throw. My hips had gradually moved to the side so they were not facing the basket. Because of this, I was twisting my whole body to shoot a free throw. Correcting this took work. And time. At the end of the season, our team made it to the championship game. This is before there were any 1A, 2A, 3A etc. Kentucky had only one championship game. We were down by 3 points with 1 minute left in the game. I got fouled on a 3-pointer. Free throws. I wasn’t nervous at all. In fact, I don’t think it even registered in my head how important these free throws were. I remember being more concerned about what defense we would be in after I made the free throws. Which is exactly what I did. I nailed all three free throws. The game was tied. That moment was something out of a fairy tale. But it was short lived because seconds later we lost on a last second shot. 34-36. Heart break. I scored 18 of our teams 34 points. The wrong colored confetti was fluttering down and I went to the locker room. But no one came to get me. A couple minutes later, I went back on the court. I congratulated the other team, and then I went one-by-one to congratulate and encourage my teammates because it was still a pretty awesome season. Over this last week, reminiscing on overcoming hard things has been really helpful to me. Losing a basketball game is different than a cancer diagnosis but the same premises are still there. It is a good reminder to myself that I can do hard things. I can rise above tough times. For my brain, recalling past times of overcoming things is like practicing a new form of free throw. At first it takes a lot of work to train the brain. To not allow it to go down the rollercoaster of negativity. To not get carried away with the what ifs. To not let one bad day snowball into more. Instead, I want it to become second nature for my brain to focus on the positive, focus on one day at a time and focus on what I can control. And that is hard. But I’m hoping with more practice, I will continue to get better. 

So if you ask me how I am doing, I will tell you we are making it. I am ok. Unless it’s a bad day then I’ll tell you it’s not a good day. This too shall pass and I am one day closer to perfect health because my name is Liz and I can do, and have done, hard things.

Liz