My oldest child was a preemie, born at 34 weeks. I had preeclampsia. I remember going for a check up and my blood pressure was 200+ / something else high. As I was wheeled to labor and delivery, I thought I was going to spend the next 6 weeks pregnant and in the hospital. I was so naive. One of the nurses then bluntly informed me I was going to have my baby in the next two to three days. Two day to three days? My bags were not packed. I didn’t bring any baby clothes. What about breathing? I hadn’t even finished my lamaze course! This is not how I wanted to begin my parenting journey. But it is how I started. I was given magnesium to help lower my blood pressure. Then, I was given pitocin to induce labor. So magnesium to relax my body; pitocin for labor. It was a super fun time. And sure enough, three days later and 30+ hours of labor, Jude was born weighing 4 pounds, 7 ounces. But I didn’t get much of the newborn cuddles. He was weighed, measured and whisked away to the NICU for monitoring and all the preemie things. Later, I was finally wheeled to his room where he was bright red from crying inside his incubator. (We affectionately called it his BAT cave). I bawled. Again, this was not how I wanted to start parenting. Feeling helpless. Wires galore. Teeny Jude. This was not in my birthing plan (nor did I have a birthing plan, but still). In fact, none of this was in my plan. So this same sentiment continues today, 12-and-1/2-years later. Cancer was not in my plans. But we are in week 4 of treatment and this is not what I expected. Not sure what I did expect, though. I can say with certainty that when I go the bathroom, I am capitalizing on that one lamaze class as I work to control my breathing because going to the bathroom is not enjoyable. Other symptoms are the morning nausea, just feeling off and I’m easily fatigued but other than that, all is well. We are making our way. One day at a time. While I feel I have been blessed to take the more “exciting” roads in life, I’m hoping that whatever I am going through now, I am able to pay it forward and help someone else down the road. Just like so many people are helping us right now. Our village has been a blessing this cancer journey. These days are tough. They are painful and I am tired but as I sit and work on my gratitude list, my list continues to grow. And I cry not because of the pain or process but by how blessed I am. I (we) cannot say thank you enough. 
Liz