I think before the cancer diagnosis, I would not have called myself an optimist nor a pessimist. More of a realist. The cup isn’t half full or half empty. It’s just half. Far too often, I have this same outlook about myself. I can be a great encourager to everyone else but me. Sometimes this can be a good thing to encourage a better work ethic and drive. Far too often, this overly critical voice can be debilitating and harmful. (If you know the Enneagram, I am a 1 wing 2. We can deep dive about this later). I strive to be my best, no matter the situation. And my best has changed over the last month. To go to the gym and just walk or choose not to do the Rx weight. It has been awkward for me to lay down on the couch and rest. It’s been weird to allow my house to be more helter-skelter than usual. And the gifts. So. Many. Gifts. (Thank you, all!). I am overwhelmed with love and support and I am working to fully accept these precious gifts as they are: freely given. It is a hard reality to accept. I had no idea the reaching impact I have had on others. So while the cancer still sucks, it has been amazing (and humbling) to experience the love from so many. Faith, hope and love remain but the greatest of these is love and love has encouraged and nurtured my heart these last couple weeks. 

In other news, radiation and chemotherapy are going well. Week 1 done! My bloodwork is looking so much better since being home from the hospital. And I’m feeling alright. A bit nauseous most mornings and afternoons. I have radiation at 1pm and normally by 3, my tummy feels off. But that is ok because I intend to heal my body and get back to perfect health. When I set my mind to something, it is a guarantee I will see it through. Each day is a learning experience. As I continue in this journey, I have an opportunity to re-train my brain to love myself and all my quirks. I get to learn not to be afraid of all my emotions and it is ok to just cry sometimes. I get to experience the love of so many people and soak that in. I get to teach myself to better meditate and relax. I get to focus on worrying less and focusing on today. So many silver linings.

Liz